I have struggled, more than anyone can even realize but today I am grateful for that. Today is my 35th birthday. The number does not bother me as it did when I was younger (when you think 30 is old.) No one celebrates the fact or tells you your mind gets better, life gets better, experiences get better. I don’t run from the fact I was born in 1982. I don’t think I have all the answers. I am still flabbergasted by the fact that children in the 90’s are now able to buy alcohol, vote, serve in the military. I still find it humorous that I have to scroll (a lot) when trying to sign up for a webpage to find my birth age.
My life is not filled of things or experiences. Its filled with the emotion I feel during those things and experiences. Today is one of those days. I am 35. I am able to look behind me, I am able to look at my emotional journey from birth to now. I am finally able to wake up today and be grateful for the hardships I have had, to finally understand them, not be resentful of them or to wish my life was any different. Today is the day I don’t ever wish I could go back to change things or think I’m supposed to be somewhere different. I am not where I want to be today, but I have a clear(ish) understanding of where I want to go. I know I will fall and hope to read this back one day and have the strength to pick myself back up and know it’s ok to ask for help.
This last decade, I have worked hard on myself, to keep breaking my barriers. I am not perfect. I now know no one is perfect. I know that fear and failure will happen. I hope one day to tell my story. How I’m grateful to come from broken homes, a recovery from drug addiction- one that I was ashamed for now one that I am grateful for. Lastly, holding onto serious resentment of why me’s and what I could of been, lastly the torture of pretending to be someone society tells you you have to be to have happiness.
I don’t pick up the phone today. I have not in a few years. Today I like the quiet, to think of my life for all that I’m grateful for and work on a plan to hit emotional, physical and spiritual goals. I’m not un-grateful for your remembering of today. Sometimes I need to silence the noise to hear what the universe has next for me, my journey and tell myself I am happy to be flawed.
Whats next for me?
Makeup and product testing has always been a passion of mine. Knowing why a product works gives me an advantage of who a product is suited for. Often judged by enabling a vane society filled with selfies and picture taking, the illusion of social media and the lives we lead, the beauty industry gets a bad wrap. I look at it objectively, knowing I have a part of making someone feel good or giving them a lead on a product that would help on a day to day basis it is a win for me. It can be the smaller things in life that can make a day into a positive one and hope to reach more people, hear their stories and how I can help is where I start my next adventure, in the beauty lane.
Cheers to me!